well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
