Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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