We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize