If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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