You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
