Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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