How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
