I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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