I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
