I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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