Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
