I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
