booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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