Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Text me some of your sweat
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
