he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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