Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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