Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
