It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
