im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize