I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
