And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
