I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
