Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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