he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
