plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
