I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
