But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
