I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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