I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize