you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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