you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
