I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
