we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
