If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
