hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
