my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
