You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
