It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
