I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
