i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
