piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
