Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
