everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
