Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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