I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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