All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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