She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just invented taco cereal.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
