I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
