my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
did i just pee glitter
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
