i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
