i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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