Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
