Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize