Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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