if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
