He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
