I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hippo gnu deer
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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