I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Welp...herpes.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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