We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize