a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
