It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
