i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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