Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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