More tranny stories later!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
