I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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