mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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