Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
