the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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