Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
