Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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